Harnessing Chuck Bass
by supergirlscafe
Summary: In the middle of NY Fashion Week, Blair Waldorf finds herself standing in Chuck Bass's Palace suite with Cabbage Patch and the devil himself. Snark and UST abound. Goes technically AU after Ep 2x4 but references all released episodes and promos.
1. 2x4 to 2x5

Heads up: Spoilers for the Episode 2x5 ("The Serena Also Rises") ahead. If you haven't seen this week's episode, don't read!

**Harnessing Chuck Bass**

"I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back so I don't outshine you." –Serena to Blair in the Ep 2.5 promo

Serena's words reverberate in Blair's head as she storms out of the fashion show and into the crowded, rainy streets of New York City in the midst of fashion week. Blair Waldorf isn't sure what happened in the past week and a half to transform her best friend into a pigment-challenged version of Georgina Sparks, but she's sure as hell not going to stand back and watch her kingdom crumble as she waits to find out.

Blair heads towards the one person she can always count on for wreaking havoc. It kills to her to admit it, but Chuck Bass has skills. She just needs to harness them properly for her own purposes.

She bangs on the door of Chuck's suite at the Plaza. She's sure he's there-he wasn't at the fashion show, so he can't be anywhere else-although coming face-to-face with one of the bimbos she's also sure he's entertaining is not a tantalizing prospect.

"Chuck! I know you're in there!" Blair commands through the oak door, directing a fierce gaze to the small glass peephole. "Open up!"

The door swings backwards, revealing a smirking Chuck. Blair tries to keep her eyes from straying to the scenery behind him, trying to avoid the inevitable sheet-clad model tip-toeing out of his bed, but she loses that inner battle. But instead of the underfed, flat-chested waif she was expecting she sees….Dan Humphrey?

Ew. Make that an underfed, sunken-chested _male_ waif. And fully clothed, thank god, although he seemed awful comfortable on that black leather couch.

"I would never have thought one of your stature would ever stoop to sampling Brooklyn's wares. Are you really having that much trouble getting laid this week, out of all weeks?" Blair asks cuttingly, referring to the fact that New York Fashion Week is teeming with beautiful girls trying to land a permanent position in the upper echelons of society.

And what better position than spread-eagled in Chuck Bass's silk-sheeted bed?

Chuck rolls his eyes and turns to Dan faux-apologetically. "Forgive her. The jealousy does awful things to her already wicked tongue."

"I'll bet," Dan mutters under his breath, but shuts his mouth when he sees Blair's glare.

"Don't tell me he talks, too?" Blair's expression turns more contemplative. "Wait. I take that back. I need your help."

Chuck's immaculately groomed eyebrows furrow. "And not mine?"

"Of course I need yours!" She snaps. "I know you must be bored, playing in your hotel all by your lonesome with nobody's head to fuck with."

Chuck jerks his thumb towards Dan in response to the 'all by your lonesome' remark.

Blair laughs. "Please. As if Cabbage Patch's tiny brain is at all fun to play games with."

"You didn't seem to mind him so much when he was helping us take down Georgina."

"I tolerated him since he was dating Serena. Now I have no such incentive, especially seeing as that bitch is now totally AWOL."

"You mean Georgina? Blair, we sent her to that boot camp. There's no way she's escaping from…oh." Chuck pauses. "You meant Serena." His lips curve upwards into a smile. "I see."

Dan waves his hands from across the room. "Hello? Still here?" He complains-probably still hung up on the Cabbage Patch slur, Blair realizes.

"I've got a bone to pick with your ex-girlfriend, Humphrey," Blair announces. She doesn't notice that Chuck's grin gets even wider and even more self-satisfied. "And you both are going to help me."

"Now?" Dan Humphrey, as always, remains clueless.

Blair sighs. "It's not like you have anything better to do." Hearing Chuck's cough, she amends. "Or anyone better to do."

Chuck taps his finger on his chin dramatically, pretending to ponder. "We'll do it."

CBCBCBCB

AN: I know. There's no plot in this snuff (snark-fluff). But I haven't written anything in so long and this just kind of came out and I was so frustrated after the end of 2x4...forgive me? And I hope y'all like it. Or not. Just clicky the blue button and let me know!

**Edited to Add:** There WILL, I repeat, WILL be a continuation of this. After every ep, I will put a new scene in that includes at least one of the main characters (Chuck, Blair, Dan, Serena, etc.) reacting to the previous episodes and acting in preparation for the next. That way, I can stay current with the GG continuity but still have FUN making this a little more AU.


	2. 2x5 to 2x6

Note: This episode references events in the most recent episode (2x5). If you have not yet seen it, avoid this fic!

**Harnessing Chuck Bass: Chapter 2**

After a wild night, Chuck Bass sits on his black leather couch, an empty shot glass in one hand and Dan Humphrey's short story clenched in the other. Even though it has been nearly two hours since he left that Brooklyn leech locked in a jail cell, he can't stop shaking with anger. But it isn't Cabbage Patch that his anger is directed at, as one might expect. Chuck's fury is directed solely at himself.

He should have known better! He berates himself over and over again. Why did he not see this coming? For years, he had tried to prevent anybody from getting too close to him. Not even Blair, a girl who he fancied the love of his life a few short months ago, knew the secrets he spilled to the next Truman Capote. How could Dan Humphrey drag everything out of him in a few short hours?

No wonder Serena was enamored with that boy. Chuck sets down the shot glass and fumbles with a cigarette, placing it his mouth and trying to light it all with his left hand. Clearly, Dan has some sort of super-secret irresistible charisma that leaves its target completely vulnerable. His step-sister is far better off without that fake, Chuck reflects. Not that he didn't already know that last part.

Chuck hears a familiar, insistent knock on his suite door. He sighs. He would rub his temples to relieve the increasing pounding in his head, but that would mean letting go of either the cigarette or the short story and he doesn't trust himself to have a hand free. He might punch something valuable, like the glass coffee table in front of him.

Boy, would Bart be pissed if he did that.

"Bass!" A voice floats, muffled, through the door, accompanied by a few more loud pounds. "You were here after the Balenciaga show yesterday, and I know you didn't come to my mother's today, so you better open up this door or else!"

Chuck takes a drag of his cigarette and exhales the smoke. "Or what?" He mutters under his breath. He's sure Blair can't hear him, but he's also pretty sure that the silence conveys his sentiment just as well.

He is surprised to hear the sounds of a key being turned in the lock and the door swinging open. Blair's heels click loudly on the marble before coming to rest in front of him.

Chuck looks up. "What was that?" He asks, referring to the spare key that Blair clearly possesses that he very clearly remembers not giving her.

Blair manages a patronizing glare, even though Chuck can see the tell-tale signs of tears in her smeared eye-makeup. "Serena and I borrowed the concierge's keys a while back as a prank. I just made a copy of yours in case."

"I've told father before that we need to upgrade to computerized keys for better security, but he never listened." Chuck raises his eyebrows briefly. "Obviously I was right."

Blair laughs. "Aren't you always?"

Chuck half-smiles. "Of course."

The bad mood broken, Blair steps back and takes a closer look at the boy in front of her. "Oh my god, Chuck." She notes his torn shirt and disheveled hair with disgust. "What is wrong with you?"

She grabs the cigarette from his left hand and attempts to use the paper in his right to snuff it out. "Jesus, Bass, let go of the paper." She watches his eyes flick in defiance. "What, is it important?" Blair changes tack with the cigarette and drops it onto the marble, crushing it under her Manolo-heeled foot, before refocusing on the paper. "The paper can't be that important; it's totally crumpled."

Chuck glares. "Drop it."

"As if."

Blair settles herself down on Chuck's right on the couch. She curls her head over and attempts to smooth out the paper clenched in his fist. She looks at the words his thumb is trying to cover. "What does it say? Charlie…Trout? Bass, are you going incognito for your autobiography?"

"Please, Waldorf," Chuck attempts to grab another cigarette from the pack on the table but Blair smacks his hand away. "You know me better than that."

"So who wrote this?"

Chuck's lips press together in a thin line and he turns away from Blair.

"Who. Wrote. It."

Blair never lets anything go. It used to be something Chuck admired about her. Now he just wishes she would leave him to his misery.

"It's not a difficult question, Bass."

Chuck suddenly balls the paper up with both hands and throws it across the room with both hands. "Goddammit, Waldorf, why do you care so much?"

It's funny, Chuck thinks, because just yesterday he'd be thrilled to have Blair Waldorf sitting so close to him that he can smell her Chanel perfume, practically demanding to help him deal with his demons. But yesterday, he'd also thought Dan Humphrey would be nothing more than a fun evening diversion.

Blair looks at Chuck with those chocolate brown doe eyes of hers and Chuck feels his resistance soften. "Do you really have to ask?"

A pause, and then Chuck changes the topic back to before. "How many struggling, pitiful writers do you know, Waldorf?"

"Thank god, only one," Blair starts before trailing off and reconsidering. "Ah. Humphrey's got delusions of breaking apart the Upper East Side a la Truman Capote in Holcomb with some scintillating details about the life of the infamous Charlie Trout, am I right?"

Chuck exhales and his whole body sinks into the couch. To his surprise and pleasure, Blair follows him down, tucking her head into his sunken chest. Usually neither would be the cuddling type, but Chuck likes the feeling too much to push her away.

"So what did you tell Cabbage Patch that's got you so on edge?" Blair asks quietly.

Chuck's mouth opens and closes before he finally decides what to say. "Somehow parents came up and, I don't know, I…mentioned my mom."

Blair pauses in surprise. "Oh, Chuck, I'm so sorry," she says sincerely.

Chuck feels Blair tracing circles on his chest. He knows she's trying to be comforting, but her touch is evoking other sensations in him that might kill the mood. He and Blair might be pseudo-friends now, but he's fairly certain she's not ready for anything romantic.

Still, her brand of friendship is very enjoyable. "I don't even know why I told him," Chuck tells the girl on top of him, resisting the urge to run his hands through the rich brown hair splayed on his chest. "He just caught me at a bad time."

Blair sits up a little bit and attempts to turn to face Chuck. "Please, Bass, the next time you feel the urge to talk it out, just come to me. I once confessed to a Catholic priest-I must have gotten some skills from that."

Chuck laughs, his entire chest rumbling and sending vibrations to Blair. He slips his arm around her side and pulls her back to him. She doesn't resist. She willingly slips back into his embrace.

"So what're we going to do about that Brooklyn trash?"

"I'll put him on the hit list, but he'll have to share the top spot with his ex." Blair realizes that now would not be a good time to tell Chuck of her plans for the scruffy Humphrey. On the cab over she'd already decided to use Serena's biggest weak spot (Dan) against her, with the help of her renewed alliance with Little J.

"Serena?" Chuck asks, not really paying attention. "We don't like Serena now?"

"Don't you remember yesterday, Bass?"

"Oh. Right." Chuck thinks that now would not be a good time to let Blair know how he's been working to put Serena back on the throne.

"Right," Blair echoes.

They quietly lay there on the couch, bodies intertwined, until they finally fall asleep. If Gossip Girl had to report on the situation, she'd probably send out a blast along the lines of:

_B allies with C to take down S, who C is supporting, and C allies with B to take down D, who B will be propping up. Really, Upper East Siders, nothing is happening except now B and C have an excuse to spend more time together. And I don't mean that they need that excuse to explain themselves to other people. Anyone can see that they're just trying to justify their relationship to themselves._

_XOXO_

_Gossip Girl_

But of course, Gossip Girl would never catch wind of Blair and Chuck's current predicament. That would be far too careless of our fair hero and heroine. Instead, they'll attempt to labor under the radar.

As if Blair Waldorf or Chuck Bass could ever be forgotten.

CBCBCBCBCB

**AN:** I think I will be doing a series of these snufflets after all ("snufflets" "snark-fluff-ficlets"). I'll probably update with whatever my brain feels like after every episode. Obviously, it will be heavily dependent on the latest developments on the show. I don't know how this particular update got so freakin' sappy, but I dunno. I just felt like even Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf would have a hard time staying snarky and angry at each other after what happened to both of them in "The Serena Also Rises."

So...what do you guys think? Let me know by clicking the little blue button, please! :)


	3. 2x6 to 2x7

**Harnessing Chuck Bass**

**2x6 to 2x7**

Chuck sits alone in his limousine. The spacious leather interior looks smaller now that it is practically vacant, now that Nate has abandoned him for that Brooklyn trash. Harry, the chauffeur, looks into the rearview mirror.

"Hey, boss," The uniformed man calls out. "We still heading back to The Palace, right?"

Chuck nearly nods before pausing. "Wait," he directs Harry. "There's something I have to do first."

Harry shrugs as Chuck bolts out of the limo. "Do I have time for a cup of joe?" He asks his young patron, but Chuck is already out of earshot. Harry sighs. "Damn."

--

Blair's Sidekick buzzes. She flips it open to read her new text message.

"Who's that from?" Serena asks as she flips loosely through the new Vogue. Even in their plush rental limousine, the ride back to Manhattan from New Haven is still boring. Especially since, Serena notes, rental limousines are less likely to stock champagne for underage clients.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Blair reassures Serena, her manicured fingers nimbly responding in a matter of seconds. It buzzes again almost immediately after and Blair's laughter scares Serena.

Serena raises her eyebrows. "New Gossip Girl blast?"

"Nothing you need to be worried about," Blair repeats as she sends another text and then sets her phone aside, ignoring it as it buzzes once again. "Hey, is that the new Marc Jacobs line?"

--

"So where to, Mr. Bass?" The chauffeur asks as Chuck gracefully reenters the car not fifteen minutes later.

Chuck is lost in his thoughts. Stopping by the Yale Admissions Office for the first time in his visit had proved to be a wealth of amusement. The Dean had been surprised to see the heir to Bass Industries pop in so early in the morning, but the old man sure looked embarrassed trying to hide his copy of Page Six. The humor there would have been enough to make the trip worth it, but Chuck had been there for more important things. Ensuring a place for his three best friends and him at the college the next year was no small task, especially with Serena's dismal grades freshman year. No matter that Nate is currently off gallivanting with Cabbage Patch and that his stepsister is taking a separate limo with his ex-girlfriend who hasn't spoken to him in weeks. It will all blow over, like it always does, and then the four of them will rule The Skull and Bones Society next year.

Thinking of Blair makes Chuck remember the text chat they just had.

"Take the scenic route, Harry," Chuck answers finally. "We're making a pit stop in Brooklyn."

Of all the places, Harry thought. Chuck Bass is certainly as devious as his father. There must be a particularly unpleasant personage in Brooklyn that Chuck Bass means to offend, Harry realizes. And offending people tends to mean more money in Bass Industries, which means more money in Harry's bank account. He is happy to oblige.

--

A sleek black limousine pulls up in front of a brick Brooklyn apartment building. Chuck looks up at it through the tinted windows and sighs. Then he straightens his lapel as if preparing for battle. At least he knows that the worst aspiring novelist in Brooklyn won't be there; rumor has it in New Haven that a famous Yale Lit professor is giving a reading at The Strand that afternoon.

Chuck abandons his transport at the curb and marches smartly up to the building entrance. No doorman, Chuck sniffs. Easy as pie. He buzzes the Humphrey apartment.

"Hello?" Vanessa Abrams' slick Brooklyn voice crackles through the intercom.

Chuck suppresses the urge to groan. He had been hoping for little Jenny Humphrey-younger sisters were always dying to take revenge on their seniors, and besides, she was such a delicious morsel. Still, using Nate's castoff isn't without its charms. "Hello there, I'm from the New York Board of Education with the information on homeschooling your household requested not long ago?" Chuck adopts a polished Manhattan accent for this, never mind that the Board of Education would never visit a student's home, much less on a Saturday.

Of course, the naïve poseur filmmaker would never know this, for all she pretended to be street smart about the city. "Of course!" Chuck can hear the glee in her voice. "Come right up!"

The door clicks and Chuck swings it open without bothering to say thank-you. He rides the ancient elevator up and knocks on the door. Vanessa lets him in without checking the peephole. Her jaw drops as he enters.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, after her vocal cords have recovered from the shock.

Chuck gives her a sour smile. "Helping Little J become the truant she always aspired to be."

Vanessa rolls her eyes in her trademark faux-tough pout. "As if. Get out."

Chuck puts a hand to his heart. "That wounds me, O Nate's Lower-Class Dalliance," he remarks. "Really, tell me another one."

Vanessa purses her lips.

"You're going to help me," he tells her.

"Am I now?"

Chuck nods condescendingly. "You're going to help your best friend get into Dartmouth," he instructs. "Isn't that nice of you?"

"What makes you think that I'd ever-" Vanessa pauses. "Wait. Why are you trying to help Dan?"

Chuck's face twists into a grimace. "Why should that matter to you? Don't you just want to keep him out of the hands of the upper class at Yale?"

"But-" Vanessa cannot reconcile the idea of participating in Chuck Bass's plan, even if it helps Dan, and she has no time to, as Chuck's phone rings and he holds a finger to his lips to shush her.

Chuck presses speakerphone. "Chuck Bass."

"How's it going?" Blair Waldorf confident drawl floats up into the air between Chuck and Vanessa from the Sidekick Chuck holds.

"Lovely, actually," Chuck enunciates clearly for the benefit of the girl across from him. "We're just finishing up here."

"Wait, I haven't agreed to anything," Vanessa interjects. Chuck throws her a nasty look.

"So she's in," Blair comments. "Lovely."

"Of course," Chuck responds. "I'll be at Chez Waldorf later, okay?" He ends the call abruptly.

Vanessa turns to Chuck pointedly. "What was that?"

"Oh, Abrams, you have no idea," The lion remarked to the lamb. "We're just getting started."

--

Serena sneaks a glance in the direction of Blair's bathroom. Blair has disappeared. Out of curiosity, Serena picks up Blair's phone and looks at the screen. It reads "NEW MESSAGE FROM: CHUCK BASS."

Surprised, Serena is intrigued enough to open the message. It simply reads, "See you tonight."

Serena's mouth drops open in shock. As far as she had known, Chuck and Blair had kept a respectable distance apart for the last few weeks. She had no inkling of the fact that her stepbrother and best friend were possibly rekindling their romance. Now a woman on a mission, Serena flips back to Blair's message Inbox and opens up the latest thread of conversation.

Chuck Bass (11:55:43 AM): How would you like Dumphrey 3,000 miles away?

Blair Waldorf (11:56:25 AM): I can't imagine a better future.

Chuck Bass (11:57:59 AM): Unless it involves me. Anyway, meet you later to bang out the details?

Blair Waldorf (11:59:33 AM): I'm so sure that the details are the only thing you want to bang, you mother chucker. Don't text me again until you have good news.

Chuck Bass (12:01:11 PM): No need for sweet nothings, I'm already yours.

Serena frowns. She can't imagine what is three thousand miles away other than the West Coast. But as far as Serena knows, Dartmouth is the furthest away college Dan is looking at. However, Serena wouldn't put it past Blair and Chuck to have ordered a hit on her ex-boyfriend.

As Blair returns to the room, Serena holds her cell phone up accusingly. "Are you plotting against Dan behind my back?"

Blair laughs. "Duh."

--

When Chuck enters Blair's bedroom, she is flopped lazily on the bed gossiping with Serena.

Chuck sweeps his arms wide. "Just how I imagined it. Only," he furrows his brows. "There were fewer clothes in the picture."

Serena groans. "You're disgusting, Chuck."

Blair cocks her head and rolls over to face Chuck. She is lying on her side, her Dolce & Gabbana satin wrap dress sliding up to reveal a pale slice of thigh. "Yes, you're so...dirty."

"Only for you, Waldorf," Chuck smirks.

Serena sits up. "And I'm out." She shrugs on her jacket. "No gossip in the world is worth watching the two of you flirt. It turns my stomach."

Chuck sits down on the bed next to Blair and predictably, she scoots away. "How did you convince Vanessa?" She asks, trying to keep the conversation going. Silence usually left room for their natural chemistry to bubble up.

"Very, very easily," Chuck dodges, sliding a finger down Blair's cheekbone. "You're not so easy."

Blair stays stock-still. "I would hope not," she manages to get out.

Chuck's finger becomes his hand, drifting to the nape of Blair's neck and burying itself in her lush hair. He leans closer. "Of course," he purrs. "What would be the fun in that?"

Their faces close in on each other and their lips almost brush when they jump apart.

"Agh!" Serena screeches as she happens upon the scene. "Forgot my purse, forgot my purse, leaving now!"

Blair jumps up and goes to sit in her leather computer chair. Chuck reclines against the plush pillows on her bed. They look awkwardly around the room, avoiding each other's eyes. Finally Chuck begins again.

"Vanessa's going to help us," He elaborates. "And you're still in, right?"

Blair smiles finally. "I guess I owe Humphrey an odd turn or five."

--

Across the city, where the apartments aren't so plush, Vanessa is talking to Dan in the Humphrey loft. "Maybe you shouldn't be so set on Yale, Dan," she pleads. "Maybe you should look at Dartmouth again."

Dan frowns. "What, you don't think I can get into Yale anymore? Whose side are you on, Vanessa?"

_Good question, V. After seeing Chuck Bass leave the Humphrey apartment we know you always haunt, we're not sure of anything anymore. Is Brooklyn's indie princess cavorting with the UES elite now? Or is she just another pawn on the royal chess board?_

_Or, better yet, has V turned the tables on them all?_

_I'll be watching._

_XOXO_

_Gossip Girl_

Blair Waldorf reads the latest Gossip Girl blast with a smile curving her lips. "Good," she murmurs. "V thinks she's in control."

"For now," Chuck adds with a grin. The two smirk in unison. Perfect.

--

Author's Note: I hope y'all like it! Sorry that this is kind of a chapter where I don't explain everything, if the next ep goes as I hope it does then I'll be able to explain where this is going, lol. And remember, reviews are always lovely :)


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